Negative judgment involves harshly comparing yourself to the unrealistic view you may have of others. For example, social media may convince you that your peers are successful and happy while you're failing. You may also set high expectations for yourself and then feel like you've failed if you don't meet them.
These negative judgements tap into your body’s threat system. Your body can't differentiate between a threatening thought and an actual physical threat. Both types of threats trigger your stress response, which throws you into fight or flight mode.
If you are constantly criticizing yourself, you will have consistently high levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. This can lead to physical and emotional symptoms, including high blood pressure, weight gain, depression, and anxiety.
Self-compassion is relating to yourself kindly without judgment and treating yourself as well as we would treat a friend.
Intentionally treating yourself with compassion immediately changes the way you feel. In the same way that cortisol is released when our stress response is triggered, oxytocin is released when our body’s nurturing system is triggered by warmth, touch, and kindness.
Much of self-compassion is about remembering to be mindful. This means noticing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in the moment without negative judgment.
Keep a daily self-compassion journal for one week (or longer if you like) and complete the following exercise.
Write down anything that you felt bad about, you judged yourself for, or any difficult experience that caused you pain. An example of this could be if you were short-tempered with your partner this morning because you were tired, and now you feel bad about it.
For each thing you write down, try to be accepting and non-judgmental of yourself.
Bring awareness to the difficult emotions that you experience due to your self-judgment or circumstances, and note them in your journal.
Write some kind, understanding words of comfort to yourself. Let yourself know that you care about yourself, adopting a gentle, reassuring tone. For example, "It’s okay. You messed up, but it isn't the end of the world. I understand how tired you were, and you just lost it. Maybe you can try being extra patient and generous when you get home."
Research shows negative self-talk is demotivating, while words of compassion set you up for success.
